Dealing with anger

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Morning satsang at Bidadi ashram

Tuesday, 03 April 2012

My husband has anger issues. And now I am seeing the same thing in my sons. How do I help them deal with this? – Rekha, Mysore.

Rekha, anger is neither positive nor negative. Anger is like money. It depends on how you handle it. For example, if somebody does a 10 rupee job, you will not pay him 1000 rupee. If you are paying him thousand rupee, you will become bankrupt very soon! Same way, if somebody does ten rupee worth of mistake, don’t pay him with thousand rupee worth of anger! I tell you, whether it is anger, lust, greed, fear, when you pay more than the situation requires, you are energy-corrupt.
First, understand about your own anger, internalize it. Second, look at your husband’s anger issues as a sickness, not as ego or arrogance. Don’t label him with this one pattern. Separate the pattern from him. Third, approach him with attitude - how can I contribute and make a difference in his life? Unfortunately, you don’t approach with this attitude. Now, your whole approach is such that you both know that you are attacking him. Through attack, anger only increases and breaks. Through attack, solution can never be found. Rekha, your approach, your body-language, everything will be different if you have just this one attitude - how can I contribute? Because every person’s innermost intelligence is intuitive enough to recognize the help coming from somebody. They will not be able to resist. They will transform.


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